Looking back with open eyes

I wrote something in my journal almost a year ago and as I was reflecting on what I had written I wanted to blog it.

WHERE DO YOU FIND HAPPY

 

Where does one find happy? I would really like to know. Because these 360 degrees of happy somehow escapes, and evades me.

You say the simple things in life are the things that make you happy. So Mr. Simple, with your simple self explain happy to me.

I was happy once, when I was a little girl. With dreams of castles, white horses and a Prince I could all my own. Then reality woke me up with a slap to the face like an alarm clock that won't snooze for five heaven sent minutes.

There were no castles, white horses, or Prince to sweep me off my feet. I had to stand solid if I was gonna make it in the real world.

Happy did a 5K and I couldn't keep the pace. All those things I saw as I grew up and swore I would never do. Pulled me under like a tidal wave.

I said I would do unto you as you do unto me. And somewhere happy lived there. Then you did to me what I would never dream and I ate it for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a snack.  I lost myself to unto me and my confidence was done.

You see they always told me I was pretty, but in this unhappy ever after, pretty was not enough.  I drowned again in my coat of failure never understanding where it went wrong.  But wrong it went, and wrong it stayed. I don't think happy can live here now.

The bitter taste of failure gave birth to "tit for tat" when those cousins move in I don't think happy can come back. Words spoken no retraction, cause, effect, leads to action. I will not be undone I crawled from the bottom to find my happy.

If I was not your everything then let me be your nothing. Because a house of cards can't be lived in and my happy can't evolve.

Go find you another happy and make way for me to go find mine. You made my happy ugly, you made my happy cry.  I just want to know where to find happy, I deserve another chance. If you love it, let it go make happiness a new home.

We both deserve a bunch of happy don't you think.

 

 

One day I am going to work for Hallmark and write cards for all occasions. For tonight I am done with this blog. I feel better already.

 

Wish me luck until the next time.